The Bounty of Oz
by K.T. Glover
Summary: What happens when an innocent little girl and her welsh corgi get taken to the land of Oz, meet three bounty hunters and has a pair of ruby goggles, The Bounty of Oz, that's what! ---COMPLETE---
1. We're Not In Kansas Anymore

**Author's Note: I do not own Cowboy Bebop or any of the characters nor do I own The Wizard of Oz, this is just a parody, okay? Thanks!**

_The Bounty of Oz_

_Once opon a time, there was an adorable little girl with an adorable little welsh corgi puppy named "Ein." The little girl's name was "Ed" and she lived peacefully with her two older brother and her sister. Ed was a very happy girl and she was a very good girl at that as well. She did her chores, she did her homework and she played on her computer with_ _Ein by her side. She had a very happy life. Then her world was turned upside down when her evil grandmother,_ wait... in the Wizard of Oz was there an evil grandmother? Fuck it, it's a parody right, let's contiue, _her evil grandmother came to stay with her family. Her name was "Grandma Vicious." She was the most wicked and the most cruel human being ever. She would tease Ed and her family. She even tried to kill Ed's puppy Ein. But Ed was not upset, in fact she kept her happy disposition and did her everyday things, despite the distaste of her grandmother. Her life was perfect, until one stormy night. There was a tornado blowing towards Kansas and Grandma Vicious had enough of Ed and her puppy Ein too. The rest of the family was upset at the fact that she didn't like Ein and wanted to get rid of the adorable puppy. They decided to keep Ein anyway, but Vicious had other ideas. As she was leaving, she kidnapped Ein and left with him in her basket. Ed could not stop crying as her brothers and sister could do nothing to cheer her up. _

"It's just not fair!" Ed cried, "Why did she have to take Ein away?! He did nothing wrong."

"Oh Ed, maybe it's for the best," her big sister said as she was brushing back her blue hair.

"It's just not fair, I'm going to find Ein!" She shouted.

"Ed don't!" Her green-haired brother shouted after her.

"There's a storm outside!" Her oldest brother shouted.

_Ed ran out of the door to find her puppy. _

_Meanwhile... _

_Ein was crying in the basket and wanted to get out. _

"Quiet you mangy mut!" Grandma Vicious shouted.

_The puppy had grown tired of the screaming and shouting, so he jumped out of the basket and ran back to his favorite little girl, Ed, without the knowledge of Grandma Vicious knowing he escaped. _

_Back at the farm... _

_Ed ran into the barn. _

"Ein, Ein, EIN!" She cried out.

_She searched desperately for her puppy. She looked through the haystack and through the buckets. She gave up and fell down on the haystack and started to cry. Just then she heard a dog barking, a small dog barking. Ed jumped up and looked to see who it was, it was her puppy Ein. _

"Ein! Thank god you're alright!" She said as she ran over to the puppy to give him a huge hug.

_The reunion was cut short when the storm blew off the barn and took Ed and Ein with them. _

"I won't let you go Ein!" She shouted as she held her puppy tight_._

_She and the dog were flying through the storm. As they were gliding they noticed Grandma Vicious. _

"I'll get you Ed and your little dog too!" She said as she laughed her cackle laughter.

"This is CNN." James Earl Jones said as he was gliding right behind her.

"I'm Rick James, Bitch!" Dave Chapelle shouted as he was flying.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ed screamed as Ein whimpered and barked.

_The storm soon eneded and Ed and Ein were in a new place. _

"Hey Ein, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." Ed said.

_Ein barked as Ed stood up and realized she was in the forest, with a little yellow brick road. Ed thought that this whole scenario was a little too familiar. _

"Hey, this yellow brick road is just like the one in that movie, you know the one with the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion, don't you think so Ein?" She said.

_Ein barked as if he agreed with her. _

_Just then a beautiful woman with beautiful wings appeared in front of Ed. She had long blonde hair and a beautiful smile. Ed screamed as she saw the woman and Ein hid behind his master. The woman just smiled. _

"Hello Ed, I'm not going to hurt you." The good witch said.

_Ed opened her eyes to take a look at who she was._

"How do you know my name?" She asked.

"You could say I'm your fairy godmother, oh wait wrong story, let me start again. I'm Julia, the good witch of the East. I'm here to help you get home, but in order to get home, you must go to the planet Mars, well that's what the city is called, anyway, and you must go see the great Bounty, Oz." She explained.

"But, how do I get there, it's so dark and cold, and I'm scared." Ed said.

"Worry not, there will be three bounty hunters to help assist you, but you must help them in order to go home. Oh and I will give you this, as a token of our greeting." She said.

_She flickered her wand and poof! It was a box of donuts._

"Hmmm, that's for later use, don't eat them." She quickly added.

"Okay." Ed said as she put the box into the bag.

_Julia flickered her wand again and poof! A pair of Ruby Goggles appeared in front of Ed. Julia handed the goggles to the eager little girl. She was soon fading away._

"Wait pretty witch! How will I find these Bounty Hunters?" The little girl asked.

"They will come to you, oh and whatever you do, don't lose those goggles." She said before she disappeared.

"Well Ein, looks like we're off on an exciting adventure!" Ed said.

_Ein barked happily. So Ed and Ein walked along the yellow brick road and into the forest. And so began our tale of their journey in The Bounty of Oz._


	2. Spike The Chain Smoker

_**Author's Note: I read the reviews and I noticed that some of you don't like the idea of Julia being the good witch, well I plan to play with that a little later in the story, and as for Vicious, yes I know he is sexy I agree with the reviewers, he is "Grandma Vicious" in Kansas, but in Oz, he plays a different role, he's not the wicked witch, trust me. And remember this is a parody and I haven't seen The Wizard of Oz in a while so help me with some of the story cause I'm trying to stick with the consesus of the movie and the parody to make sense. Thank You! **_

_Our two heroes skipped along the yellow brick road, trying to find their way out of the forrest. _

"Gee Ein, this place is so big, I hope we find those bounty hunters soon." Ed said.

_Ein barked and hid behind Ed when he heard a rustle in the bushes. Ed walked closer to see who or what was hiding in the bushes. A tall, lanky, green-haired handsome young man jumped out of the bushes and scared Ed and Ein. _

"AHHHHHH!!!!" Ed screamed.

"Oh great! Just the thing to make my day worse, a kid and her stupid dog!" He said.

"Hey! Ein is not stupid, and Ed would like to know what is wrong." Ed said.

"I guess I've got no choice, well okay, I was on my way to Planet Mars when I got mugged by a bunch of black cats. They scratched me up and they took my last pack of ciggarettes. So now I'm all jittery, I'm irritable and I'm in desperate need of a smoke but I can't get one because I don't have any ciggarettes and it's really pissing me off!" He said.

"Why were you going to Planet Mars?" Ed asked.

"I was going to go see the Bounty of Oz, see if he can help me with my problem. I wish I had a lifetime supply of ciggarettes." He said.

"You're going to see him too, why don't you come with me?" Ed asked the man.

"Really, you'll let me come with you, after how I treated you?" He said.

"Yup, oh by the way, my name's Ed and this my puppy Ein. What's yours mister?" she asked.

"I am known as Spike, the Chain-Smoker. Well, it was a high school nickname." He said.

"Okay Spike, oh wait, you remind me of someone I know back home." Ed said.

"Is that why you're going to see the Bounty of Oz, you want to go home?" Spike asked.

"Yes, Ein and I are from Kansas." Ed said.

"Well, I'm sure the Bounty can help you, I mean he is magical, or as the rumore say. I'll help you in your quest. Say, where did you get those cool ruby goggles?" Spike asked.

"I got them from Julia, the Good Witch of The East." Ed replied.

"Oh, boy she's at it again." Spike said to himself.

"Who's at it again?" Ed asked.

"Oh nothing, inside joke, anyway, do you know your way out these woods?" He asked.

"No, but if we stick together, we'll sure find a way out!" Ed said.

"All right then, let's go." Spike said.

"We're off to see the Bounty the wonderful Bounty of Oz." Ed and Spike sang.

_So our friends were off to Planet Mars to see the Bounty of Oz. Spike hopes that when he gets there, he would finally get a lifetime supply of ciggarettes and Ed and Ein hope to go back home to their family. Though, Spike does look like her older brother back at home, but this is just merely a coincidence. As long as they were all together they would be safe and sound together._


	3. Faye The Cold Hearted Bitch

**Author's Note: I haven't been able to update as much as I would've because my grandfather had recently passed away and I've been busy keeping my grandmother company so please don't be mad about me not updating, because I still haven't forgotten about you guys. Thanks for Reviews, any Reviews are accepted good or bad. Reviews are what help make the story better.**

**Bounty of Oz Chapter 3: **

_The lovely trio of Spike, Ed and Ein kept on walking through the dark gloomy woods in search of the city, Planet Mars. They kept on walking down the yellow brick road. Spike was especially more tense than usual because he hadn't had a ciggarette in days and he was getting very fussy and irritable, which drove poor Ed and her puppy Ein, nutty. As they kept on walking they noticed a beautiful, attractive blue-haired woman standing alongside the road, as if she was waiting for someone to come and get her. The woman looked up at the trio as they were walking down the yellow brick road. Ed and Ein noticed the woman while Spike was too busy drooling at the sight of her to even notice that she was lost. _

"Hiya pretty lady, Ed and Ein wants to know why you are here." Ed said.

_The woman looked up at Ed and her puppy then smiled. _

"Hi sweetie, I'm waiting for someone or something to lead me out of this forrest. I've been stuck here for days, and it's getting really late, and the forrest isn't safe when it's dark." She explained.

"Hey baby, wanna catch a movie sometime with me?" Spike asked as he was walking over to her.

"Uh no thanks, I don't go out with losers like you." She quickly snapped.

"Uh, Ed doesn't get it, why are you nice to me and why you are mean to Spike?" Ed asked.

"See, I have this problem, I'm nice to the ederly, kids, pets, and women, but when it comes to men, I'm a cold-hearted bitch to them. That's why they call me Faye, The Cold-Hearted Bitch." She explained.

"No kidding." Spike muttered under his breath.

"What was that, asshole!?" She shreiked.

"Nothing." Spike quickly added.

"Where were you planning to go anyway, Ed wamts to know!" Ed asked.

"I was planning to see the legendary Bounty of Oz, to help me with my problem, but then I got stuck after the guy that I was with ditched me for that damn wicked witch of the west, damn that whore." She said.

"What does this witch look like?" Ed asked.

"She's very attractive, blonde, big chest, very thin, looks good in leather and has a horrible appetite for anchovies." Faye described.

"See that's strange, the witch I met was the Good Witch of the East and she was very nice." Ed explained.

"Huh?" Spike and Faye both chimed in, "But sweetie, there is no Good Witch of The East, you must mean the Good Wizard of The East, that must be what you mean." Faye said.

"But I swear, I met the Good Witch of The East!" Ed exclamied.

"Well, I haven't asked for your names and for where you were headed." Faye said.

"Oh yes! Ed forgot about that! I'm Ed, this is my puppy Ein, and this is Spike, The Chain-Smoker. We're on our way to see the Bounty of Oz in Planet Mars." She said.

"Really! Can I come with you, please? I promise I won't be a burden, after all we are going to see the same person. The reason why I want to see him is because I wish I had a heart for men, that way I can finally get married and have kids." Faye said.

"I'm going because Ein and I want to find my way home, Spike is with me because he wishes to have a lifetime pack of ciggarettes, so you can come along too! The more the merrier!" Ed said.

_So Faye The Cold-Hearted Bitch joins Ed, Ein, and Spike The Chain Smoker on their journey to Planet Mars to find The Bounty and get the one thing they most desire and need. _

"Those ruby goggles are gorgeous! Can I borrow them sometime?" Faye asked.

"Oh I'm sorry Faye-Faye, I can't, I promised the Good Witch I wouldn't lose them." Ed said.

"I understand and I think you mean the Good Wizard." Faye said.


	4. Jet The Zen Master of Bonsai Trees

**The Bounty of Oz Chapter 4: **

_Our heroes ventured further into the Irritating Forrest of Darkness. It was called irritating for a good reason because once you got inside you would get lost and no one would be able to help you, so keep on going into circles and into more circles until finally, you start losing your mind and your sanity starts slipping away and you can't take it anymore and you want to kill yourself for getting lost in such a stupid forrest in a dumb parody of a children's tale! Uh where was I, oh yes! So our heroes ventured further into the forrest. It was starting to get late so everyone decided to camp out for the night. It was a frightening experience for the girls because it was so dark and they couldn't see a thing, but what they were more concerned about Spike. Teh girls were afraid that Spike might try to take advantage of them, so Faye and Ed took out their mace and their tazers. This upset Spike very deeply because he wanted to have his way with Faye, but he was stuck on guard duty. _

"This sucks! Why do I have to always do guard duty?!" He grumbled to himself.

_Then there was a rustling in the bushes._

"Oh shit! The muffin man has come back to get me!" Spike said nervously.

_Spike walked up to the bushes and leaned over to listen in the bushes. He kept on walking forward until a big man with a prostetic arm and dressed as a cop jumping out of the bushes. He had a baseball bat and was about ready to hit Spike in the head with it. _

"YOU STUPID BATSARD!!! YOU KILLED MY BONSAI TREES! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!!" He shouted.

"WHAT?! I DIDN'T KILL YOUR PLANTS!" Spike shouted.

_The big man calmed down and took a deep breath. He then looked in Spike's eye and realized he was telling the truth. He let go of his shirt and sighed. He then sat down and started to cry. Ed and Faye heard all of the commotion and wanted to see what was wrong with the big man. _

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to attack you. I've been upset because someone killed all of my Bonsai Trees. Those things were my babies and I couldn't live without them. That bitch, that evil, conniving bitch. The Wicked Witch of the West sent her army of kuronekos to destroy all of my bonsai trees because she was jealous. I decided to go to Planet Mars to see the Bounty of Oz. I was hoping that he would help me, but now I'm lost in this forrest and nobody is here to help me. I'm not worthy to call myself Jet, The Zen Master of Bonsai Trees." He cried.

_Ed walked up to the crying man and handed him her hankercheif. Ein comforted the man by licking his face. _

"It's okay, we're all on our way to see the Bounty himself! Ed said.

"You are, really! Oh but I can't ask you to let me come, I would be a burden on all of you." Jet replied.

"With him crying like a little pussy, no wonder why we wouldn't ask him to tag along." Spike said.

"You're such an ass Spike! And besides Ed, Ein, and I wouldn't mind. Jet is a very sweet man and he could help us by telling which plants are edible and which are poisonous." Faye added.

"You want me to come?" Jet asked.

"Ed, Ein and Faye Faye want you to come." Ed said.

"Alright then, I promise I will be super helpful and brave and I will be very nice and also I know how to cook!" Jet said.

"Great!" Faye cheered.

"Great." Spike said blankly.

"I can't wait to see the Bounty of Oz, I hope he gives me a Bonsai Garden!" Jet said.

"I hope he gives me my ciggarettes." Spike added.

"And I hope he melts my cold heart." Faye said.

"I hope he can take Ed and Ein home." Ed added.

_So our heroes decided to sleep the night. The next morning they followed the yellow brick road and finally exited the Irritating Forrest of Darkness. _

"Yay!" Spike, Faye, and Jet cheered.

"We made it! Now we can go to Planet Mars!" Ed said happily.

__


	5. A Preist, A Wizard, and Shitake Mushroom

**The Bounty of Oz Chapter 5: **

_As our heroes were leaving the forrest they come upon a beautiful meadow filled with... shitake mushrooms, what? In the movie it was a field of red flowers, oh well. They treaded upon the mushrooms and were amazed by the fact there was even a meadow of shitake mushrooms (I'm amazed myself by the fact that someone had to come up with the Shitake Mushrooms Meadows). Jet examined the mushrooms to see if they were edible. _

"Hmmmm, these mushrooms look edible alright. It's okay to eat them." He said.

"Oh boy! Ed and Ein love mushrooms!" Ed exclaimed.

"Let's just hope it's not an evil trick from the Wicked Witch of The West." Spike said.

_Little did they know, that Julia the Wicked Witch of The West, was watching them from her palace in the Enchanted Forrest. Alongside her was her faithful servant, Miroku the Horny Monk. _

"Those idiots don't know what they're eating." Julia said with an evil grin.

"Are those the mushrooms that have traces of PCP in them?" He asked.

_Julia turned around to give her servant that "No-they're-not-of-course-they-are-you-retard" look. _

"Once they eat those mushrooms they will fall asleep and then I will erase their memories and command them to bring me the ruby goggles." She explained.

"How do you intend to erase their memories?" Miroku asked.

Julia went into her purse and dug the same memory eraser as seen in the Men In Black movies. Miroku looked at the contraption and a sweatdrop fell (the anime kind).

"Julia don't you think that's-" he stopped shortly after she gave him a death glare," I mean that is a very good contraption. (That is the stupidest thing she's ever come up with, but not as stupid as her dressing up as the Good Witch of the East when everyone knows that the Good Witch of the Ease is in fact a Wizard.)" He muttered under his breath.

_The Shitake Mushroom Meadows _

"Man that was a good meal." Spike said.

"I've got to hand it to you, you weren't kidding when you said you cooked, because that was fabulous!" Faye said happily.

"Ein and Ed enjoyed it!" Ed said as Ein barked in concurence with her and the others.

_Suddenly Jet felt very tired and fell on the field of mushrooms. _

"Hey Jet wake up! We have to get going!" Faye said.

"What's wrong Jet?" Ed asked as she poked him with her finger.

_Ein suddenly felt sleepy too. He walked in a circle and then fell asleep next to Ed. _

"Oh no Ein, please wake up!" Ed said.

"Oh man, I'm really tired too." Spike said as he was lying down on the field.

"Faye-Faye, I'm going to take a little nap." Ed said as she fell asleep.

"Oh Ed, guys, wake up! We have to go on! We...

have...

to....

go...

on." Faye couldn't take it anymore, she finally fell asleep.

_Then somewhere, out there, over the rainbow, there was a silver-haired man with a priest walking by. The Preist noticed a group of people falling asleep on the mushrooms he immediately recognized that it was an evil spell from the Wicked Witch of the West. The Preist immediately started singing OutKast's "Hey Yeah" to wake them up. After he was finished singing, our heroes woke up. _

"Oh my, did we just fall asleep on this meadow?" Faye asked.

"Whatever happened it means that we're going to have to kill Jet." Spike said as he was grabbing his gun.

"Oh shut up you retard! That doesn't mean we have to kill Jet, Julia put this evil spell on us!" Faye said.

"That means she's after something and we don't know what it is, either way we all have to stick together." Jet explained.

"Jet's right, Ed and Ein don't like the fighting, let's keep going, we should be in Planet Mars any second now and he will help all of us." Ed replied. Ein barked.

"The little squirt's right! We're almost there!" Spike said.

"The Good Wizard must be watching over us, just like Jesus." Faye said.

_Back in the bushes, the two men started talking. _

"Hey I didn't do that, you did Wolfwood." The silver-haired man said to the Priest.

"It's okay Vicious, nobody cares about Priests anymore, ever since those idiots at the Vatican started molesting children, I've been getting a bad rep, why the Bounty himself likes to make fun of me for being a Priest." he replied.

"I thought Preists were supposed to be cellibate," Vicious commented.

"Oh no, I'm a modern Preist." Wolfwood replied.

"Right." Vicious answered.


	6. Missing In Action

**The Bounty of Oz Chapter 6:**

_After our heroes had made it out of the Shitake Mushroom Meadows, they contiuned along the path to Planet Mars (jesus why do I have to always state the obivious, why can't the author come up with a more creative way to say things) anyway, thanks to a unorthidox Priest and a wizard in disguise, they were able to contiue on their journey. (Insert Indiana Jones Theme). They kept on walking until they saw a great ruby palace, that shone brightly through the sky. They had finally reached their destination, Planet Mars._

"We're here, we're finally here, this can't be too good to be true." Faye exclaimed.

"Yes! Lifetime supply of cigarettes here I come!" Spike said with glee.

"Now I can finally redeem myself." Jet added.

"Ein and Ed now have a chance to go home!" Ed said happily.

_They all ran towards the ruby palace. When they got there, there was a big door blocking the way. Ed knocked on the door to see if anybody was inside. The tiny pothole on the front of the door was opened and a bald black man answered._

"Oh shit the IRS is here to get me!" he shouted.

_He closed the door._

"We're not from the IRS." Faye said.

He opened the pothole again.

"Damn woman, you a fine lookin' mutha!" he said.

_Faye twitched at the comment he made, but she kept her cool._

"Um, good sir what's your name?" Ed asked.

"I'm Dave Chapelle. Why are you guys doing here in Planet Mars?" he asked.

"We all came to see the Bounty." Jet replied.

"We were hoping he could help us with our problems" Spike added.

"Hmmm, well I would like to stay and chat but the Bounty needs me, bye bitches!" he said.

"Oh no please Dave-Dave, see Ein and Ed would like to get home and well, we miss our family and Ed and Ein want to see them again. We have to go home, otherwise, they would get sad and lonely and I don't want to do that to them, please let us in Dave-Dave." Ed cried and pleaded.

_Dave was crying too, he felt bad for the little girl and her friends. He opened up the pothole._

"Oh alright, you can come in, your story touched me." He said.

"Oh thank you Dave-Dave!" Ed said.

_They walked inside and saw that palace was more of a village than a castle. They were amazed at what they saw. There were people working, shopping, walking around, and having a good time. It was a big party practically. All of it was going fine until a big cloud of smoke appeared. The Wicked Witch of The West Julia had appeared. Everyone ran the other way. The group tried to escape her, but she trapped Ed and Ein instead. Ed immediately recognized her._

"Oh good witch why are you doing this?" Ed asked.

"You idiot, everyone knows that there is no good witch, just the good wizard! Now I will take those ruby goggles of yours if you don't mind." She said grabbing the goggles off of Ed.

"Farewell, he, he ,he, he!" She laughed her horrible cackle laughter.

_Ed sat there crying. Everyone walked over to her to comfort her._

"I thought she was good. I didn't think she would do that." Ed cried.

"Let's go see the Bounty he might be able to help us." Faye said.

_Faye picked Ed up. Dave signaled them to follow him. They were all being led through a strang corridor._

"This is where the Bounty resides. I have to go." Dave said.

_Spike and Faye were not exactly impressed and Jet was just confused. Ed walked up to the contraption._

"Hello, Mr. Bounty man?" she called out.

_Ed moved out when a puff of red and orange smoke came out. Everyone was scared and nervous. The voice didn't help matters either._

"Who goes there!" His voice boomed.

_Ed slowly but catiously walked up to the cloud of smoke._

"Mr. Bounty sir, we need your help, my friends and I were travelling here to meet you, but then something horrible happened." Ed nervously said.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, the Wicked Witch took your Ruby Goggles." He said.

"Hey, how did you know that?" Spike asked.

"It was all over C-SPAN. Let me put it this way we've been expecting all of you to come. You guys are celebrities here, in the strangest way." He said.

"How are we celebrities?" Faye asked.

"We've been watching you guys in the town square, everybody loves you guys." He said.

"So all of this was just a big reality show?" Jet asked.

"Not quite, it was more of a test,to see if you are worthy, but thanks to the horrible timing of that witch, now we have to get the Ruby Goggles back. Those Ruby Goggles were meant to be given to Ed by the Good Wizard of the East, but Julia captured him and took them away from him and she maqueraded as the good witch to trick poor Edward. Now we have to get those Ruby Goggles back, the good Wizard would greatly appreciate it." The Bounty said.

"All right, guys we're going to Julia's stronghold and take back what was stolen from the Wizard." Ed declared.

"We're coming with you, after all you helped us out without any regard for your own safety." Faye said.

"And you're okay for a kid." Spike added.

"And you're a very nice little girl, who also has a very smart puppy." Jet chimed.

"I know all of you can do it, but be careful, the witch is not as stupid as she seems, though she does seem that way because she is blonde. I wish the best of luck for all of you and I have my best division of the army at your disposal." The Bounty said.

"Thank you good sir, we won't fail you!" Jet said.

"I'm ready to kick some ass!" Faye said.

"I'm taking back what was stolen from me, right Ein?" Ed said. Ein barked in concurrence with Ed.


	7. Julia's Insanity and Clausterphobia

**The Bounty of Oz Chapter 7:**

_Beyond the Enchanted Forrest lies a place of great evil, no not really, I just said that to make the story more exciting. Anyway, Julia's Black Chromed Out Castle (cha-ching). The evil witch was pacing back and forth, much to the annoyance of Miroku._

"I don't get paid enough to babysit her. I'm supposed to be her advisor not her demented sex toy, though the sex is good, but this doesn't compare to Sango, now that is one hell cat, row! Boy was she the best I've ever had." He murmed quietly.

_Julia kept pacing back and forth, then she clicked her heels together._

**Uh Oh she has a plan brace yourself Miroku, he thought.**

"Miroku, I trust that Ed and her stupid friends will be coming here to get the Ruby Goggles back. Here's my plan of action, I will let them come in, then this huge mouse trap will capture them, then I will skin her puppy alive and turn it into a cute fur belt. Then I will kill the others as this will wage a war in Oz and I will be the greatest Dictator on the face of this planet!" She said grinning evily.

_A sweat drop fell on Miroku again._

**Oh god, I think she's finally snapped, time to call in reinforcements, he thought.**

"Miroku, don't you think it's a wonderful plan?" She asked batting her eyelashes.

"Yes I think it is an excellent plan." He replied lying through his teeth.

_Miroku walked away from his insane boss. He went up to his chambers and dialed a number on his phone._

"Hey Inuyasha, yeah it's me Miroku, listen I think you may need to call the Army of Planet Mars and bring the people at the Mental Institution with you, yeah I know she was supposed to be under my control, but she has literally gone stupid which is worse than insanity. She thinks she's Fidel Castro, the asshole Cuban Dictator. Well what could I have done this is gone too far! What, the army is coming along with that Ed girl and her friends? Well that's good to hear, now I can finally be free from her evil clutches. Thanks for the info Inuyasha, I'll be back at the office before you know it. Alright take care and please say hi to Kikyo, Kagome, Sango, Shippo, and Kilala, thanks I'd appreciate it, bye." He hung up the phone and lied back on his bed.

"They better get here soon, or else I'm screwed, literally and figuratively speaking of course." He said to himself.

_Miroku decided to take a nice little nap after the phone call._

_Back at the Entrance of The Enchanted Forrest...._

_Our Five heroes decided to take back what was stolen. They all stuck close to each other because any one of them could get lost in the forrest again. Spike was shaking uncontrollably as he was trying to push Jet away from him. Jet got fed up with his shirade._

"Spike, what the hell is your problem we have to stick together!" He shouted.

_Spike couldn't take it anymore, he finally screamed._

"I'M CLAUSTERPHOBIC YOU IDIOT!!!!!!" He screamed at Jet.

"Well that explains a lot. It explains why he never wants to get close to anyone." Faye said.

"So that's what the ciggarettes are for to calm your nerves around people. I understand." Jet said.

"What could you possibly understand?!" He shrieked.

"I was like that with my Bonsai Trees too. I grew them to impress this girl, but she laughed at me and told me how stupid I was for gardening, so those things became my company, my children." Jet explained.

"I didn't like when men drooled over me, it annoyed that they focused on my looks rather than my brain, that's why I'm cruel to men." Faye said.

"It's okay, Ed and Ein still love you. We have to go to Julia's castle and get those Ruby Goggles back, who's with me?" Ed said.

"You're right! Let's go!" Faye said.

_Spike and Jet followed the girls through the Enchanted Forrest._


	8. The Ruby Goggles and Julia's Insanity

**Bounty of Oz Chapter 8:**

_Our Heroes walked into the Enchanted Forrest. It was dark and gloomy, but most of all it was depressing. Everyone stuck close together, with the exception of Spike who had a bad case of Clasuterphobia. They kept on walking until they saw this Chromed out Castle (cha-ching)._

"There it is, Julia's Keep." Jet said.

"That has to be the worst paint job I've ever seen." Faye said.

"She's liked being a show-off." Spike said.

"Ed and Ein have to get those Ruby Goggles back, so we have to hurry." Ed said.

"Right." Spike, Faye and Jet all said.

_They went another route to get to the castle. They were finally there, but something didn't seem right. Spike sensed this first so he looked for a place to hide. He found a huge pile of bushes that was just randomly put there and signaled the others the come into the bushes with him (this is starting to sound really dirty)._

"Spike, what's with you and bushes?" Faye asked.

"Shhh, Julia's army of Kuronekos are outside on their posts, we don't want to get seen by them." Spike said.

_The Army of Kuronekos were at their scratching posts, scratching away much of their boredom as much as they could._

"We have to make a move." Jet said.

"Yeah, but we have to time it right." Spike said.

_They all waited for the perfect moment for when the Kuronekos were done with their posts. Suddenly they heard a melody, the Kuronekos turned their heads over to listen, as they listened they started to fall asleep, one by one._

"The Good Wizard is really counting on us to get his Ruby Goggles back." Faye said.

"Let's go!" Ed cried.

_On the other side of the castle in another pile of bushes...._

"Now that I did do." Vicious said.

"Yeah all thanks to your queer flute, you freakin' queer." Wolfwood said.

"My friend, this flute and I go way back and no, it is not queer." Vicious replied.

"How is it not queer, then?" Wolfwood asked.

"Well one time at band camp I shoved my flute up this girl's..." Vicious said.

"Alright, I know where this is going. I don't wanna hear anymore!" Wolfwood snapped finishing Vicious' story.

_Back to the other side of the castle...._

_Our Heroes snuck in the castle with much ease. As they entered they noticed that this castle was quite enormous. They were all confused as to where they should all go. They all looked around until Ed and Ein saw a red light in front of the stairs._

"This way!" She said motioning to the others.

_They all followed Ed and Ein as she followed the red light. It kept on getting brighter and brighter until they finally reached the last step of the stairs. Ed opened the door and everyone else gasped at the area in which they had just encountered. They entered Julia's Room and started searching for the Goggles. Spike started searching for the Goggles and Julia's panty drawer. He smiled when he found something, he pulled out a pink g-string and this month's issue of Big Tits Magazine which had Julia on the front cover. Spike pocketed the items and searched else where. Faye looked through the boxes to see if she hid them there. Jet searched her bed, top and under. Ed and Ein searched the whole room for the Goggles but there was no sign. Things were starting to look hopeless until Ed saw the red light again. She followed the red light to a strange door. She pushed the button then it turned around to reveal the Ruby Goggles._

"Hey guys I found it!" Ed cried happily.

_Everyone else stopped searching and walked up to Ed as she grabbed the Goggles._

"We can finally get out of here!" Faye said.

"Not so fast!" Julia shouted.

_Everyone gasped when they turned around to see Julia standing at the doorway._

"You did a wonderful job coming here I must say, but I would like those Goggles back now, if you don't mind." She said.

"How could lie to me about being a good witch?" Ed said.

"You retarded little kid! Don't you get it, I was never good, I am a Skitzophrenic! I think that I am other people and I think I see these people." Julia shouted.

"Well that explains a lot." Spike muttered.

"Now give me back my Goggles!" She shouted.

"No! That's enough Julia!" Miroku shouted when he came in.

_Everyone else that came in with him had a straight jacket ready to put on Julia._

"I'm sorry about this Julia, but I can't take anymore of your crap. I'm sending you back to the Mental Institution." Miroku said.

"Miroku how could you do this to me, haven't been I good to you? What about the times we had sex?" Julia asked.

"You slimy bitch, you were never good to me! Oh and by the way I faked my orgasms, all of them!" Miroku shouted, "Take her away."

"NO!!!!!!!!!!! MY EVIL PLAN HAS BEEN RUINED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Julia shouted as she was being carried away.

"Miroku, we have a lot to talk about when we get home!" Sango shouted.

"Coming, Honey." Miroku said nervously.

"Wow, that was completely random." Jet said.

"Let's get the hell out of this dump." Spike said.

"You said it." Faye added.

"Mr. Good Wizard sir, I have your Goggles." Ed said.


	9. The Bounty Revealed!

**The Bounty of Oz Chapter 9:**

_After rescuing the Horny Monk Miroku, our heroes finally made their way back to Planet Mars. They were awaited by the crude, but kind guard Dave Chapelle as he opened the gates to let in the army and the party. The whole city celebrated their return and their sucess in defeating the evil witch, Julia. Dave immediately led the party back to the chamber where the bounty was waiting. They all entered and waited paitently for him to arrive. As they stood near the contraption the cloud of smoke came back again and so did that booming voice._

"I see that you have succeded in overthrowing the witch and her army of Kuronekos, congratulations." he said.

"Thank you." Faye said.

"We are very pleased to hear such kind words from you." Jet said.

"Would you cut the crap already and help us?!" Spike asked impaitently.

"Spike, that's not a nice thing to say to the bounty." Ed scolded.

"It's quite alright I know I can be quite impaitent sometimes myself." The bounty replied.

"I hate to concur with Spike but you did say that you would help all of us." Faye said.

"I know Ms. Valentine but, I'm afraid I can't help you." The bounty said.

"WHAT?!" Everybody shouted.

"How could you say that?!" Jet asked.

"We risked our asses to get the damn Ruby Goggles back and I'm more than sure that all of us would like some compensation for the job." Spike shouted.

"I know you all risked your lives, but I'm simply afraid that I cannot help you." The bounty replied.

"Oh please Mr. Bounty sir, I wanted to help my friends and I feel that I have done what I could for them. I got the goggles back just like you wanted. Please Mr. Bounty, we came all the way here to ask for your help. All Ed and Ein want to do is go home and we were hoping if you could help us, please?" Ed pleaded as she cried. Ein whined alongside with her and everybody else.

"I sympatize with your situation Ed, but I don't have that kind of power." The Bounty replied.

_Ed burst into tears as she heard those words. Spike and Jet bent down to comfort her while Faye noticed something strange about the Bounty._

**Hmmmmm, his voice sounds exactly like Homer Simpson of the Simpsons, and from what I've heard the Bounty was never this cruel or this horribly honest, in my opinion anyway. Not to mention I see a curtain in a room where there shouldn't be one to begin with. She thought.**

_Faye walked over to the curtain and pulled it open._

"Aha! Just as I thought!" She shouted.

_Everyone looked up at Faye then looked at the man in behind the curtain._

"Oh don't mind my friend that's hiding in the curtain he's just fixing my machine." The man said in his Homer Simpson voice.

"WHAT?!" Spike said.

"Vash The Stampede?! How, how did you, how could you do this to us?!" Jet shouted.

_Vash couldn't take it anymore. He had grown tired of all of the lies he had created. He finally stood up and walked over to the group._

"I'm sorry about all of this, but I was actually testing you guys." He said.

"HUH?!" Everyone said in unison.

"I know it sounds strange but I knew Ed wasn't from around here, but I wanted to make sure, after all this isn't the first time Julia's tricked anyone. In order to see if you were really worthy I disguised myself as The Bounty and never revealed my true identity to any outsiders that were not from the city, you know security purposes." Vash explained.

"Oh, I see, that's understandable, I guess." Faye said.

"But I thought you said you couldn't help us." Ed said.

"Oh no, I was pulling your leg. I can't send you home Ed, but I know someone who can help you. First things first though, I have to help your friends with their problems, but I need something in return. " Vash said.

"What?" Faye asked.

"I would like a box of donuts if that wouldn't be too much of a problem." Vash said.

"But we don't have a box of donuts." Jet said.

_Ed jumped up and smiled. She went through her bag looking for the box of donuts that Julia had given her. She took them out and handed them to Vash._

"Oh me oh my, where ever did get those delicious looking donuts?" He asked happily.

"Well when I first came here, Julia stopped me in my tracks and accidently gave me the box of donuts." Ed answered.

"Thank you very much, now that I have been paid, I can help out your friends." He said.

"Good, cause I'm in desperate need for a ciggarette." Spike said.


	10. There's No Place Like Home

_**Author's Note: YAY!!!!!! Final Chapter! I haven't been able to update as much as I would've liked to because of school and all of this other crap. Special thanks goes out to all of the reviewers and readers, without your support I wouldn't have been able to continue. Enjoy the final installment of The Bounty of Oz!**_

**The Bounty of Oz Chapter 10:**

_Vash motioned the three stooges, I mean bounty hunters to his side. He reached into his pocket and handed them each a box. Spike, Faye and Jet looked at each other, then they looked at Vash. _

"Are you sure this going to help us?" Spike asked.

"Yes it will," Vash whined, "Hurry up and open it already, I wanna get some booty from Meryl!"

_Spike opened his box first. He shook it then he opened the box. Inside was a Nicoderm CQ._

"Vash! What the fuck is this!?" he shouted.

"Well I figurered that you were going to ask me for a lifetime supply of ciggarettes, but I thought that wasn't a good idea especially since your lungs are starting to turn black. So I decided that you should quit smoking for your own good and that's where this nifty little thing comes in, you put it on and you will never ever crave a ciggarette ever again." Vash explained.

_Spike shrugged and gave the patch a try. He rolled up his sleeve and put on the patch. A minute later he no longer craved ciggrettes._

"Hey, I don't crave ciggarettes anymore! Thanks Vash!." Spike said as he was clicking his heels.

"Faye it's your turn." Vash said.

_Faye opened the box without hesitation. She took out the contents of the box and it was a book. The book was entitled, "Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus."_

"Ummmm Vash, how is this going to help me?" Faye asked.

"Faye one of your biggest problems was communication. This book will tell you everything on how to get a nice healthy relationship. It also talks about ways you can communicate with the opposite sex. You were very angry with the men you have encountered in your life because you lacked the wit and sophistication to respond to their neanderthal comments." Vash explained.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to read this then." Faye said.

"I'm opening mine!" Jet said.

Jet was the last to open his box. Inside was a packet of Bonsai Tree seeds.

"Yes! This is exactly what I needed! Now I can start my garden again!" Jet squeeled.

"Rebuilding things are not always easy. Like a seed, it takes a lot of nurturing, responsiblity, and care to make a garden again. It also takes time and with time, wounds heal." Vash said.

"What about me?" Ed asked.

"Ed, I told you I can't help you, but there is somebody else that can help you, let's meet them all at the town square." Vash said.

_Vash led everyone out of his chamber to the town square. The villagers were gathered around to see what was going on. In the croud of people, there stood Wolfwood, The Good Wizard of the East Vicious, and Dave Chapelle. Ed cautiously approached the preist and the wizard._

"So you're the little girl that brought back Vicious' Goggles aren't ya?" The preist asked.

"Ummmmm, yes." Ed replied.

"My name's Wolfwood, and this is my friend, the Good Wizard of the East, Vicious." The Preist said.

"Oh Good Wizard, do you have the power to get me and Ein home?" Ed asked.

"Oh Ed, I'm afriad I don't." Vicious replied.

_Ed looked down and tears were starting to swell up. Then Vicious put a hand on her shoulder._

"Ed, you always had the power all along to go back home." Vicious said.

"Really!? How!?" Ed asked.

"The Ruby Goggles which I bestowed upon you." Vicious said.

"Aw cut the crap Vicious and speak in English will ya!" Wolfwood said while interrupting.

_Vicious made a constipated face._

"Why do you always have to do this to me all the damn time, Wolfwood! I never do that to you when you and Milly are always talking about stuff that I don't really want to hear about! Another thing, stop being such a little bitch and start acting like a Priest for god sakes, you're making the damn clergy look bad! No wonder why Vash got really irritated at you and fired you!" Vicious said as he chewed out Wolfwood.

"Looks like somebody has TSB." Dave Chapelle commented.

_Vicious turned his attention back to Ed and Ein._

"Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, Ed all you have to do is wear the goggles over your eyes, clap three times and say 'There's no place like home.' Try it." He said.

Ed put the goggles over her eyes, clapped three times and said, "There's no place like home."

"Good, now keep doing that." Vicious said.

"Oh no wait, I have to say goodbye to everyone first!" Ed said.

_Ed walked over to Spike and gave him a big hug._

"I'll miss you Spike!" She said.

"Thanks kid, it was fun!" he replied.

_She walked over to Faye._

"You are such a sweet little girl, I'll never forget you!" Faye said as she shed tears and hugged Ed.

"I'll miss you too Faye!" she said.

_Jet walked over to Ed and gave her and Ein a big bear hug._

"Thank you so much for sticking with me throught the end, you are forever in my debt Ed." Jet said.

"Thank you Jet, now could you let me go, you're choking me!" Ed said.

"Oh sorry." Jet let go of Ed and Ein.

_Ed walked over to Dave Chapelle._

"I'll miss you most of all, Dave-Dave." Ed said as she gave him a hug.

"Awwwwww, dammit orange girl, I'm gonna miss you too!" Dave Chapelle said as he hugged Ed.

"Thank you so much Mr. Vash and everybody, now I can go home. There's no place like home, there's no place like home." Ed said as she repeated the steps.

"GOODBYE ED, PLEASE VIISIT US AGAIN SOMETIME!" Everybody said to her.

"Ed?" A familiar voice said.

"Ed sweetie, wake up." Another voice called.

"Hey kid, don't die on us now." Another voice said.

_Ein licked Ed's face. Ed opened her eyes and realized that she was back in her home with her family. She sat up to greet everyone._

"We're all glad you're okay." Her big sister said.

"Oh my god, I had the most wonderful dream, you were there, and you were there, and you were there too. I was with you guys and Ein and we fought the evil wicked witch and met the great bounty of Oz. The Good Wizard gave me these Ruby Goggles which I had to use to get back home to you guys." Ed said.

"You poor thing, the storm was really rough on you, you'd better get some more rest." Her oldest brother said.

"Be careful next time kid." Her brother-in-law told her.

_They all left the room to leave Ed and EIn at peace. Ed was going to fall asleep when she felt something under her pillow. She grabbed it and pulled it out. It was the Ruby Goggles!_

"It wasn't a dream!" She said to Ein while holding up the goggles.

_And so ends the tale of a young girl and her adorable Welsh Corgi, and her unusual, but unique friends. The End._


End file.
